The Eponine Thenardier List of Attractive Young Men
by FlamingRose15
Summary: Eponine and Grantaire write a list discussing the pros and cons of a relationship with each of their friends. And come to a startling conclusion...


**The Eponine Thenardier List of Attractive Young Men**

 **A/N BASICALLY A LIST EPONINE AND GRANTAIRE MAKE OF ALL THEIR FRIENDS AND WHAT THEY THINK OF THEM. I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS AND OTHERS I HAVE WRITTEN INTO A LINKED UNIVERSE THING I THINK. SET IN MODERN BRITAIN**

Plain text=Eponine

 **Bold text= Grantaire**

 **DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN LES MISERABLES. ANYTHING YOU** **RECOGNIZE IS SOMEONE ELSE'S.**

The list first came into being when Eponine was nineteen. Suddenly, thanks to her semi-infatuation with a certain Marius Pontmercy, she was surrounded by boys...no. Men. Men in university who cared and helped her with the kids and had futures. Men who just so happened to be highly attractive...

Actually scratch that. Insanely attractive. Like...seriously where did Marius find these people? Already confused about her feelings towards Marius and thinking that finding a boyfriend of her own might be a good idea (or, you know, a girlfriend...) she did what she did best. She wrote a list.

And Grantaire helped. Well..."helped".

 **ENJOLRAS**

Pros: He's extremely fit and has passion in bucketloads. He's clearly gonna be successful if he lives long enough. **Also amazingly he has no arrest record** which I put down more to Ferre's quick thinking than any talent of his. **True. True.**

Cons: The only woman he's interested in is Britannia.I mean it wouldn't be a problem usually. **Always up for a bit of dressup are we?** Yeah exactly... Like I say it wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the massive crush he has on R. **WHAT? DON'T BE STUPID!** To which they are both STUPIDLY BLIND and, of course, the one dear R has on his "Precious Apollo". There is no way I'm getting in the middle of that UST. I'm not completely desperate! **I would like it noted here that there is no 'sexual tension' between myself and Enjolras. And he hates me Ponine! And I'm okay with that. My darling Apollo is perfectly right not to waste time on a lowly mortal like me.** To which I call BS but moving on...He also dislikes small children and Gavroches. Which would just cause problems later.

 **MARIUS**

Pros: No. Not going down that rabbit hole again. I've just-nearly gotten over him.

Cons: he's madly in love with Cosette and like, who isn't. **He's also like an overgrown puppy on too much weed.** Yes. Thank you R.

 **GRANTAIRE**

Speaking of R... Well not even gonna do a pros and cons here. He's my bestie and thats all we'll ever be. Also see above regarding MUTUAL attraction to 'Apollo'. Not even sure why he's on this list tbh.

 **I'm on this list because it's a list of attractive young men and would be an absolute travesty without me. R**

 **COURFEYRAC**

o...kay... Now here's a real probability at last.

Pros: He's a good man. He's good with kids especially Gav who actually really loves him and I am 99% he's a cat person ( **which you know...priorities**. R) OK R I'll do it properly then! Erm...in like two months he'll be a lawyer so kudos on the financial stability thing. And the successful future box. Also attractive and bonus points on the voice. Like seriously what a gorgeous voice. Passionate if a tad dramatic and one of the nicest people ever. But...

Cons: well he's a bit... Much. Like he's brilliant and I love him but more like a hyper 10 yo brother than as a romantic partner. And I've already got a hyper brother. In fact I have 3. He's also really...promiscuous. And I know I'm not exactly an innocent little virgin but... Well his list of one-night-stands and casual flings is longer than my dad's arrest record...He's a bit unstable for a long-term thing but I would deffo add him to the casual fling list...

 **COMBEFERRE**

 **FEUILLY**

Pros: he's a hard worker. **Wait did we just skip 'Ferre?** Yeah yeah we'll get back to it. **But...why?** 'Cause it's my list and I say so R. **Fine so Feuilly...?** Right so...he's a hard worker. He is good with my brothers. He's artistic. **Yeah but he's... down to earth in a way some of the others just...aren't.** Like Enj you mean? **Or Courf.** Or even you R really. Like, you like the fine life. Real poverty wouldn't suit you but I kinda feel like it wouldn't faze Feuilly. **Hmmm...suppose...so he's pretty ideal for you then Ep?**

Well yeah...and he's straight too which is great specially in our group.. **.why do I feel a but coming on?** But...

 **Cons:** The thing is...I don't actually know what it is. I just. I get we'd be great together...on paper...but. **But there's no spark?** Yeah. Nothing. Which is just...I just don't like...Like him. Love wise. Which is stupid. Cause I literally don't have one bad thing to say about him. Except maybe...well his intelligence is a bit. Much at times. **But all the lads are smart Ep.** I know but somehow it's different with Feuilly. I dunno. Like Ferre's super super smart but he's just I can't even explain what it is. **It's cause he's self taught is what it is... Makes you feel bad about yourself.**

I mean... I had to find something. **You didn't you know.** Shush R. My list remember.

B **AHOREL**

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha **. Hahahahahahahahaha.** I know right **. Well...I suppose you couldn't leave him out.** Yeah but...still. Me and Bahorel? **Hahahahahahahahahahaha**

 **JOLY** (*scratched out in pen*)

 **BOUSSET** ( ***scratched out in pen*)**

Dating each other. And Musichetta. **In a very happy polyamorous relationship.** True that **. Lucky beggar that Bousset.** Hm. Never thought I'd hear him called...well...that.

 **JEHAN**

 **What about Jehan?** Well he is clever. I'll give him that. **Yeah.** He's a poet... **. And an absolute sweetheart.** He IS isn't he? **But you don't like him do you Ponine?** It's not... **You don't though... In fact... I think I know the real reason you started this list...** Shut up R! **No. No I don't think so. Not this time... You need to say the words.** No **. Say the words...** No **! Why?** Because he's just... Too good for me. So shut up R! **Rubbish noone is "too good" for you.** Well isn't this a lovely case of pot and kettle? **Ouch! You won't say it then?** No **. I will...**

 **Because I think... You wrote this list for a single name my lovey. And youre too scared to admit it.** Fine! Can we just...finish the list? Theres only one person left. **A certain-skipped person...**

Shut up R. Lets just... Finish the list.

 **Very well milady. So I present for your judgement...drumroll please...**

 **Monsieur MICHEL COMBEFERRE**

I hate you sometimes **. No you don't.** So do. **The list? Right**. Right. Ferre. Okay. I can do this. This is easy.

 **Pros: Do you wanna say it or shall I?** I will. Clinical right... He is weirdly attractive. In a sort of...nerdy way. See I can say it. **And the smarts.** Oh yeah like I literally don't know a topic that he doesn't know something about. He's so smart **and so cool about it.** And he loves kids. Even Gav likes him. And he gets points for the whole stability thing because he's already in line for a proper graduate job. **In other words he's perfect...**

Yeah. TOO perfect. He'd never be interested someone like me. **See...I disagree. Call me an optimist but I think...he likes you right back Pony.**

But he's so...reserved. And what if I'm wrong? **Then you're wrong and you still get a great friend...**

Fine I'll say it.

R... **yes Ponine?...**

I think I'm in love with Combeferre...

 **Well...we got there in the end. Great...** Only now you have to admit to Enj that you like him back... **I hate you.** I know!


End file.
